MARK   P L I MSOLL, LLC's "The Plimsoll Line"

Home webpage of the English Language's most quotable humorist and social critic!

Pages updated on 04/01/2006

        "On May 11, supposed 'Arab terrorists' released a video tape to world news media which depicted the execution of an American civilian. The tape revealed a half-dozen black hooded Muslims behind a captive, then a statement about revenge and repaying the United States soul for soul, then they jumped on this young US citizen and all helped saw the civilian's head off. The American news media emphasized that this proves the Evil of our terrorists enemies, their barbarity, their unreasonable hatred and methods. Would it be alright if that US citizen stood out in an open field so that a plane could fly over and drop a bomb on him? Or drop a bomb on his entire family, to watch him scramble through the wreckage for his family's body parts? Would that make Muslom Terrorists as heroic and Non-evil as our guys?"

        "When anti-United States Muslims release videos of the execution of captives, they intentionally communicate barbarism, a barbarism they hope to match with fifty years of the United States' manipulation of governments around the world, through weapons sales, and in Iraq, sales of biological and chemical weapons in support of Sadam Hussein, his sons, and his Bath government so they could commit genocide against the Kurds in the early 1990s. But it really started in August, 1953 with the overthrow of the democratically elected, and TIME magazine's Man ofthe Year, president of Iran. Paid people to demonstrate in the street, pretend they were Communists. Worked so well, the CIA did it again the next year in Guatemala."

        "At some point the United States must admit it took a Bath in Iraq."

        "How convenient for the world's rich art collectors, when the United States fails to protect museums during the invasion of the world's oldest civilization."

                "America's Pop Culture Police and Morality Pundits think Janet Jackson ruined the super bowl halftime and put the collective innocence of the nation's children in jeopardy by flashing her pagan Sun God nipple ring decorated bare breast. Why didn't those mostly male commentators notice the truly immoral aspect of the incident instead of their tacit approval of the violent actions of Justin Timberlake? I guess Americans accept that a man might suddenly rip off a woman's clothing? Is that kind of physical violation OK as long as nobody sees any nudity? Why should Americans let these moral dwarves dictate that a bare breast deserves vilification, but not the gratuitous violence men inflict upon women?"

        "Every woman deserves undivided devotion and boundless love. My stories remind women how to get what they deserve, and convince them they always deserved it."

        "Racism doesn't exist for most of us truly educated people who believe in the Human Race. Petty tribalism causes our problems."

        "The world needs a disenfranchisement tax, where citizens of industrialized nations pay two-thirds above the sticker price to rectify the two-thirds of the Third World's natural resources the developed countries control."

        "People hate the idea of illegal immigrants stealing jobs. They cannot understand what they must feel like, born in another country, to one day realize that only one country in the world uses one third of the world's resources, yet has barely five percent of the world's population. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out where to go to get ahead."

        "American children should live abroad for one year of high school, to help us understand why we look like the New Nazis of discrimination and economic slavery."

        "Imagine all the world a playground. The United States struts around like a nightmare bully, obese and sadistic, who demands two thirds of everyone's lunch money, just for safe keeping. Now give that bully a face like Madeline Albright's, or Rumsfeld's, or George Bush's, the Lessor or the Firster. No wonder the world has learned to hate US."

        "Imagine how you'd feel if the World Banks convinced your family to borrow the money needed to stop raising vegetables in a family garden to a commercial crop of cotton, then the cotton prices fall, and they have to borrow more just to eat. They watch family members waste away from hunger, or US-supplied chemical, biological, and conventional weapons sold to their ruler's army. Horrible, isn't it? Might inspire someone to come to the US and learn how to fly jetliners."

        "Should Rumsfeld resign? Should any man who obviously thinks you can bludgeon the world into freedom and democracy, and eventually loving the US, be a leader of anyone else? Rumsfeld needs therapy more than a job."

        "Like us, the extra-terrestrials believe in the search for intelligent life in the Universe. In fact, most UFO sightings show them trying to get out of here as fast as possible." .

        "Communism verses Capitalism really means altruism verses avarice and greed. As political theory, the analogy becomes Zoo verses Jungle, and as an economic system, communism tends toward anarchy as Capitalism institutionalizes economic slavery."