Crack Cocaine
by Mark Plimsoll
Buy a tiny five-dollar baggie of Desire for Love, about the quantity
which would easily fit onto a fingernail meant for nose picking. When
you get to a safe house, full of like-minded friends, get everyone to
line up in the bathroom as you take one spoonful of Boredom and mix in
some baking powder. Avoid conversation about anything except how
great everyone will feel in a few minutes. Bring it to a boil over
a small flame, such as a lighter. Crush the Desire for Love into
a fine powder and mix in as Boredom begins to boil. Stir the Desire
for Love into the Boredom until completely dissolved. As the Boredom
cools, stir with a clean finger and a Promise of Sexual Afterglow should
build up on the finger. After the mixture cools, discard the Boredom
and scrape the Promise of Sexual Afterglow onto a hard surface to break
it into tiny pebbles of Promise of Sexual Afterglow which fit into your
pipe. Smoke the Promise of Sexual Afterglow and hold it into your
lungs as long as you can. Avoid conversation about anything except
how great everyone feels. Since the effects of the Promise of Sexual
Afterglow distilled from that five dollar quantity of Desire for Love
usually last twenty minutes or so, make sure everyone keeps plenty of
five dollar bills and spare time on hand for continuous happiness.
(an experiment in word substitution)
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